


A COLLEGE DRAMA 



■ < IN 

PS 635 

■29 THREE ACTS, 

H148 | 

Copy 1 

ENTITLED 



An Episode in College Life. 



BY 



CHARLES F. HAHN, 



Member of the Class of '81, of Madison University. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1881, by Chas. F. Hahn, in 
the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 



UTICA, N. Y. 

Press of Curtiss & Childs, 167 Genesee Street. 
1881. 



A COLLEGE DRAMA 



IN 



THEEE ACTS, 



ENTITLED 



An Episode in College Life. 



BY 



CHARLES F. HAHN, 



Member of the Class of '81, of Madison University. 



Entered according to Act of Congress^ in the year 1881, by Chas. F. Hahn, za 
the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 






*v 



UTICA, N. Y. 
Press of Curtiss & Childs, 167 Genesee Street. 



1881. 



/Tv 



r 






PERSONS. 



G. W. Smith, 




Junior, 


West, 




1st Senior, 


Wordsworth, 




2d 


Peter Wunderbank, 




Prex., 


Scott, 


Fresh- 
men, 


Professor, 


Crocker, 


1st Towny, 


Philemon, 




2d 


1st Freshman, 




3d 


2d 




Lucy, 


8d 




Kate, 


Jones, 




Maud, 


McNab, 


Sopho- 
^ mores. 
) 


Students, Townies, Ghosts, 


Fanshaw, 


Janitor, Maid, &c. 



AN EPISODE IN COLLEGE LIFE. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — Glass room. Sound of bell. Scuffling of feet. Rush 
of Freshmen into the room. Some take seats, others stand. 
Uproar and noise. 

Song. 



Smith.— The next will be a beautiful and lone 
Duet by Peter Wunderbank. 

West. — Give place 

To Germany ! 

All. — A song from Germany ! 

Peter. — All right ! I sing you such duets my boys, 
Dat all the people say to me, let him 
E'uet again ! Let him duet again ! 

{Song by Peter, followed by confusion.) 

Enter Prex. 
Prex. — Young gentlemen, gymnasium's over there ! 

{To Scott.) Take off' your hat ! {Exeunt.) 

Words. — Now furl our sail and down our helms, 

After the gale let fall the calms. {They sit down.) 

Scott. — What an imposing man he is ! Quaked, quelched, 
And quieted by but a look ! 'Tis clear 
That Prexy's lord of wind and wave, and when 
He speaks, then this diminutive, and this 
Tumultuous sea of ours is quieted. 

Smith. — It well befits his station. We would laugh 
At less a man. But let imposing men 
Beware of imposition ! They remain 
Imposing longer. 

West. — , Nay I saw him smile 

And look good natured as he went from here. 

Smith. — Oh, he's all right ! A frown and smile is far 
The better than a smile and darker frown. 
Say, none of us are hurt, are we ? By Jove ! 
We've nearly got a run ! 

Several. — Who kept the time ? 

Smith. — A minute more ! 



4 

Crocker. — " A minute and a half ! 

1st Fr. — No ! Smith is right ! Oh squeeze that minute boy ! 

2d Fr.—Gxxt off its tail ! {Exit.) 

3d Fr.— Retail it longer ! Make 

It wag over ! . 

Words. — Oh time where are thy wings, oh hurry ! 
We're in a devil of a flurry ! 

West. — Here's wanted time ! Millions for a hair's breadth ! 

Peter. — A segond ! Mein good Livy for a segond ! 

( Throws up book. ) 
{Be- Enter 2d Fr.) 

1st Fr. — Prof, is at the bottom- of the stairs ! 

Smith. — Time's up ! 

Crocker. — A half a minute more ! 

All. — (Rushing out except Crocker and Philemon.) A run.! 

{Enter Prof, wiping his forehead.) 
Prof. — What meaneth this, Crocker ? 

Crocker.— The boys have run ! 

Prof. — (Consulting watch.) I'm just on time ! 

Crocker. — Just as I think and said. 

Prof.— We'll see to this ! I did not run a half 
A mile to be run on for nothing now ! 

(Exeunt all.) Curtain. 



Scene II. — Campus. (Enter Freshmen singing.) 

Smith. — Ah, there they come, three kindred spirits 
Now cemented fast by falsely born esteem ! 
You set it down, there's just as great a mass 
Of pious fraud, as piety genuine 
In these our days. I say, a man who will 
Not run on grounds of pure Theology, 
Is running his Theology into 
The ground. 

Scott. — And Crocker thinks that Prof, will mark 
Him better now. 

1st Fr. — But I have got within 

My head an idea, that even Profs. 
Despise such men*. 

(Enter Prof., Crocker and Phil.) 
Prof. — Now gentlemen I wish 

To know what all this means J 



West. — We took a run 

Professor, and we're celebrating now. 

Prof. — I was on time as these two men avow. 

Smith. — We ran upon the second, didn't we boys ? 

All. — Yes, sirree ! 

Crocker. — Not by seconds thirty-three ! 

Prof. — You hear what Crocker said, and now denies ? 

3d Fr. — We hear a dastard speak, and say he lies I 

Prof. — I'm sorry gentlemen to disbelieve 

You j for 1 cannot think but you are wrong, 
And this is insubordination pure. 
Therefore, I ask you to return at once 
Before I seek more stern support. Respect 
Not me. but do at least respect yourselves. 

1st Fr. — We have respected you, and now if we 

Retract, we'll never more respect ourselves. 

All. — No never more, sir ! 

Prof. — Well, sirs, I shall call 

You gentlemen no more, while thus you act. 
Nor will I longer speak with you ; but one 
Thing sure, full reparation shall be made. 

{Exeunt, with Cr. and Phil.) 

Peter. — By cracky vat a mighty scrabe vere in ! 

Scott. — What I don't fancy, Prof, takes Crocker's word 
Against us all. If Prexy seconds Prof., 
As ten to one he will, we'll have to cave. 
'Tis something quite to fight a Prof., 
But quite another thing to fight a President. 

West. — Professor seems to care too great a deal 
For such a little action as a run. 
To some Professors, conscientious men, 
The smallest breach is just as great and sad 
As total ruin ; just as little sins 
By rigid orthodoxy's made as great 
As darker sins. Their sense of justice is 
So great ! But boys a Prof, that's sold gets mad, 
As though you stamp upon his petted bunion. 
He chews a sell as Pistol chawed his onion. 
Professor now feels sore, and what is more, 
He's sold himself more cheaply than need for. 

Smith. — Now boys our conduct will be treated as 

A bolt, we meant it only for a run 

And not a bolt, say, did we not ? 
All— We did! 



6 

Smith. — Now who's so fresh and strong among us here 
As wishes e'er to yield on such a day ? 
Oh glorious day ! I feel myself inspired 
To fight forever, rather than be robbed 
Of this bright hour. I'm but half gypsy, just 
As he was pining in yon prison there. 
And now, say I, sin if we must, let's sin 
The whole, and live one day all free from toil 
And care and study, happy as a child 
Of nature ! Aye, in other words, let's bolt ! 

Several. — A bolt! 

Scott. — 'Tis wrong to mar the peaceful flow 

Of this fair school, to cloud the minds of Profs 
With prejudice against us. Let us make 
This reparation now, and once again 
Enjoy their confidence and their respect. 

West. —Nay, storms must come amain, and lords must rule, 
Or all the streams of life would stagnant be, 
And lords ne'er show their lordship nor their power. 
How oft, think you, that wicked lords make up 
An artificial tempest through their hate 
Of stagnancy ? And even the good Lord's 
Good dispensation's full of storms in man 
And nature, seeing proneness in long peace. 
And how, think you, the little myriad lords 
On earth, for being only men, do laugh 
Within their sleeve; when, after raising storms, 
They quell them with a word, a look, a frown, 
Oft rushing into solitude to hide 
Their smile of satisfaction? So I think 
It well for us and well for them, that storms, 
Such storms as this, come on to give us both 
Our smile. Ne'er fear our Profs will yellow grow 
With prejudice against us, for, because — 
That prison to their hearts in time of flowers, 
Is loathsome as it now doth seem to ours. 
They must for conscience sake discountenance 
All breaks and other sorts of dissonance. 
Aye, but in school the're far more ruffled brows, 
Than ruffled hearts and unrelenting vows. 

Scott. — This all may be and may not be. At all 
Events, we must be punished for our act. 
Our President is constant as a star, 
And will not swerve from principle nor right 
To favor or misuse us. 

3d Fr. — Comets are. 

We comets, as a class, are goets too. 
We've come it long enough, now let us go it I 



Scott. — I don't believe in bolting. Turn it as 

You will, 'tis wrong. We'll bolt by it a many 

Door against us, and then reap what we 

Have sown. 
Smith. — Ob man, wbere is your spirit gone 

Tbat now you waver ? But a word, a small, 

A little word you stare at and you fear ! 

You work and toil and wear yourselves to death, 

You dig and delve and open wide your graves ; 

Your natures cry for mercy and for rest, 

By Harry, you refuse their earnest cry ! 

A bolt is nothing but a name that lives 

When scruples leave and common sense comes in. 

Scott. — A run is wrong, a bolt is grievous sin ; 
This class meeting is a conspiracy ! 

Smith. — Well ! Hang not life upon an action ! Nay, 
An action such as this doth oft make life. 
Then hail intrigue and wrong and sin and strife! 
Come learn to be a diplomat, sir dolt ! 
And where oppression stern will not assail, 
Let's make oppression, and resist it well. 
The consequences cannot be but small. 
But let us all agree in this, if all 
We cannot bolt and stay, we sure can bolt 
And go elsewhere ! I know a many schools 
Who welcome all, whether they're wise or fools. 

2d Ft. — We need a rest, and why not take it now ? 
When Prexy says retract, we'll say "give us 
A rest !" No man's a saint or devil take 
My word. We'll act alone for conscience sake. 

Scott. — And when you say "give us a rest," then he 
Will say, retract; and better were it did 
We now retract, than then; for who will dare 
Expose himself to wrath like his ? Beware ! 

Smith. — Our minds indeed laxation need and change, 
Oar hearts are caged in dryness and despair. 
IT1 brave a wrath like his or any man's. 
And so for once, let's ready hand to hand, 
And joyous heart to heart, and earnest soul 
To soul, go singly yet together, aye, 
And harmonize this little world of ours 
With concert action, crying loud and strong, 
Justice against justice, but greatest ours ! 
Then come what will ! If when grave sternness warms 
It breeds indeed the cruelest of storms, 
Yet rock are undismayed ; so let us be 
As adamant amidst a troublous sea. 

All.— A bolt ! A bolt ! 

Song. 

Curtain. 



Scene ill. — Street. Enter Jones, McNab, Fanshaw, 

Jones. — The female, George's chimerical at best. 

The younger girl is like the raven charmed 
By jewels, cloths of fine texture and such. 
Three kinds of men do smite her most mortal, 
The public man, the handsome stranger, and 
The man of dress. 

Fan. — I'm honest Jones, alas 

For me, but neither of the three you name. 

Jones. — Girls don't till later make philosophers, 

Then sure they turn to charms of mind and heart ; 

Therefore, the wisest man doth wait awhile 

And gets the best of wives. Oh fickle girls ! 

But yet the girls are vanities at best, 

And splendid playthings for the man of ease, 

And such are you and 1. Let heartless be 

Your younger days, grow tender as you age. 

I say the best of girls will leave you for 

A newer man ; but woman truly loves 

But once. A woman's love is worth our while. 

Dress up then, George, and girlish hearts are thine, 

Be public, man, or anything to shine. 

This way to beat the worthy man is mine. 

Fan.— On one and fifty ? 

Jones.— I on little more 

Than that dress up, and play and smoke to boot, 
Let every noble fellow follow suit. 

Fan. — I'll fling a ball, I'll run a mile, 

I'll lift two hundred weight and smile, 
I'll row a boat with lovely spurt ; 
But I was never made to flirt. 

Jones. — But I will never so assert, 

For I am always prone to flirt. 

Fan. — Well, I will work my hands and you your heart. 
Of spoils, you have your own and I my part. 

Jones. — Agreed ! My conscience though doth often prick 
Me, George, when'er I see a maiden on 
In years, who flirted 'way her youth with such 
As me, and now's a woman without choice. 
Oh girls, flirt not too hard with every man! 
A modest girlhood is the safer plan ! 

McNab. — By jimminy ! A Freshman with a cane! 
Jones. — Oh tempora ! Oh moree ! Must this be ? 

{Enter Peter.) 
McNab. — You minion of the German devil, halt ! 

You raw recruit ! You minny! Stack your arms ! 



Surrender in the name of Sophomore 

And to our Alma Mater's honor, sir ! 

In other words, my Dutchy friend, throw down 

Your cane and canter. 

Peter. — What for you take me ! 

A fool? 

Jones. — Defy us, do you ? At him boys ! 

Peter. — Get out ! Get off of me ! You give me what 

Is mine ! I'll kill you ! Diebs ! You burglars ! Dem ! 

{They get it.) 

McNab — Go on your way in peace and quiet now, 
And Dutchy never carry stick again. 

{Exeunt three.) 

Peter. — Dere's dree to one ! Oh cowards, deifels, dem ! 
Now by der Prince Bismarck, dere vill be done 
Someding for dis, so shure as I am Peter 
Wunderbank, and Peter Wunderbank is me ! 

{Exeunt.) 



Scene IV. — Boom of student. Lamp. Smith alone. 

Smith. — And I'm a man to-day! Age twenty-one ! 
A visionary man in swaddling clothes. 
The greatest that I know, 1 Freshman am, 
Both fresh in manly years, and fresh, most fresh, 
In manly deeds ! I would I were a man ! 
So shameful do I feel at times 'midst these 
Boy's pranks, these playful scrapes so puerile. 
A man's diversion ? Man's estate? & man's 
Estate is noble action. Here a man 
Of thirty-five is but a boy with him 
Of seventeen, and he of seventeen 
Is often more the man. 'Tis college ways! 
No lusty heroes live in college walls. 
There's liars and non-liars, there's conceits 
And non-conceits, there's sense and nonsense, there 
Is good and bad, there's popularity, 
Unpopularity; but heroes rare. 
Like sheep the one is fat the other lean. 
Iu active life alone heroes and honor 
Thrive. I long to glide upon the flowing stream 
Of life, and build upon its peopled banks. 
Patience the word? Aye, gentle whisper, thanks ! 

{Knock.) 
Come in ! 

{Eater Zd Fr., Wordsworth and West.) 
2d Fr. — Hello, my boy ! You study midst 

A bolt? A most cool head ! Vesuvius cast 



10 

Me forth, what is the matter ? Weeping sure 
As shot ! 

Smith. — The glare of light has made my eyes 
To water. Come to play at whist ? 

3d Fr.— Prezact ! 

What's this ? Zeus help us Latin ! Here is Greek ! 

There you go Greek ! There you go Latin ! Oh ! 

Let us have something modern ! Set around! 

This everlasting Latin's pilfered all, — 

Its monuments, its style, its sentiments, 

Its thoughts, its forms, its poetry, its prose, — 

'Tis making contrabandists of us all. 

E'en Cicero was only Captain Kid 

Of ancient times, with coffers full enough 

Of stolen treasures, and we are his apes. 

And this old Greek, which, buried years ago, 

Yet keeps a man a digging for its bones. 

Will turn us back, and make us ancients now, 

When all the world for moderns begs aloud. 

My friends desire to know that which I know ; 

That which I know I do not know to tell, 

And they are disappointed. Discipline ? 

Than dig again the grave of buried Greek, 

I'd rather cage the slippery lightning streak. 

Than nose about and grub dry Latin roots, 

I'd rather garner scientific fruits. 

Words. — And as for me, than grub for Latin roots, 
I'd rather blacken Uncle Sammy's boots ; 
I'd like to polish up the constitution. 
I'll either be a lawyer or a statesman. 

West. — No boys, you'll need these precious herbs, 

They do not make you fat, but make you strong. 

With one foot, hand, and thought within the past, 

The other in the present should you live. 

'Tis dig, then, build; decay, that life may live; 

Destroy and reconstruction on the wreck. 

The past is discipline, the present the deeds, 

The future hopes and fears. We need them all. 

3d Fr. — Say, West, where is all your collateral 
To-night ? 

West. — Sworn off ! My lady does not like 

The savour. 
3d Fr. — Woman, what a power ! 

Smith. — Ay ! 

The gentlest, yet the greatest check I know, 
Is that that woman's counsel doth bestow. 
If woman despair in her sacred mission, 
God help the man in such a low condition. 



11 

But shame to her who leads a man to drink, 
To smoke, to chew, to play, to dance, or wink 
At little sins. More manly is it far, 
To live sans wine, sans cards and sans cigar. 

{Noise without. Enter Peter?} 
3d Fr. — By all the mummied laity what is 

The row ? 
Peter. — I've been insulted, gentlemen ! 

* Three bloody Sophs did fell upon my back 
And took from me the cane dat what was mine, 
Der class cane what we bought ! 

Smith. — And hurt you, eh ? 

Peter. — My feelings they hurt irrepayable. 

Smith. — Enough of whist ! A better game than this 
Is now on hand. Go call the fellows in ! 

{Exit West.) 
And Peter you shall be avenged, or by — 

{Enter Fresh, and a Junior.) 
Come in my boys ! a run, a bolt, and cap 
It all a fight on hand ! Here's Peter been 
Insulted, robbed, and beat by Sophomores. 

3d Fr. — Why Socrates, defend us ! This insults 
Us all ! I say, revenge ! 

1st Fr. — I'm aching long 

To fight. The Sophs are braggart over us. 
I'll risk my head to save my sacred honor, 
And fight to death as doth a many soldier. 
This is a case'of dignity and honor, 
And I in these sad times of chivalry 
Would be an honest soldier. 

Words. — Life's crises end in fight, in fame or death. 
One only loses blood, another loses breath. 
Who loses blood, is healed by balms of fame; 
Who loses breath, can wish no better name 
Than that he breathed his last upon the field. 
If we immortals make not mortals yield. 
These Sophs are mortals, — let me die in peace, 
And say that immortality doth cease. 

Smith. — Enough of nonsense, this is nothing small! 
I'm in for this and long to try my sword, 
My cane, I mean, this Freshman magic wand, 
And promise you that e'er it broken be, 
Three Sophs, at least, shall feel its mightiest force. 
To-morrow let us fight as bravelv as 
We may ; and then to cap the climax, and 
Complete the gay programme, our scurvy mates 
Let's rush, who in despite of right are now 



12 

Attending recitations daily. Let 
Us broaden breach in cause of justice, that 
We may show to our lords and ladies one, 
A stalwart front, the other, manly deeds. 

Junior. — Well, Freshies, I am with you heart and soul! 
I have a deeper grudge than you against 
These Sophs. The Juniors are your truest friends. 
Look now to them for counsel and support. 
Fight valiantly as heroes in the fray, 
For dignity and honor brave their canes, 
And lay on double strokes and triple blows. 
Strike three for Peter here, and three times three 
For noble self, and one crush stroke for me ! 

{Exeunt.) 

West. — If Smith our captain be, then we shall win. 
Let's swear our fealty. Now I, now you 
Swear, all have sworn. Hurrah for Captain Smith ! 

Smith. — Sh ! And now to bed. Don't grow soft hearted in 
' The night. Good night, and martial dreams! 

{Exeunt Fresh.) 
The little stone again begins to roll. 

At any rate the real conflict of boys {Bell strikes twelve.) 
Is next to that of men. The morrow has 

Begun, its end 

{Kneels.) Curtain. 



ACT II. 

Scene I. — Campus. Enter Frxshmen. 

Smith. — Here let us halt and tie our 'kerchief on 

Our arms, our strong right arms, and let it be ( Tells off.) 
A sign of fealty and union ! - Look ! 
You see your yonder crowd of foes ? And now 
Remember all the bitter taunts, the base 
Insults in public and in private they 
Have heaped on you ! Remember how like geese 
They hissed at you in chapel ! Yelling fish ! 
And fresh ! mewing, scoffing, and mocking you 
With epithets too vile and harsh to be 
Forgot unpunished. They felt above 
You then ; but let us change this boastful pride, 
And fight it out of them ; and then we'll show- 
In every model household, baby must 
Be king ! Let babes to-day teach men, manhood ! 
And now you little army, armed as 
You are ; when stern resistance meets us, let 
Us unresistless force our way, as though 
Our foes were reeds, our bodies chariots 
Of war, our canes were dragons' spears, our cause 



13 

Most glorious ! This day determines for 

Us, whether insults we must take and bear 

Or not ; and whether we can carry canes 

Or not ; and whether we are valiant men ! 

Remember, Peter, what you owe to them ! 

Remember, men of honor, what we owe 

To them and to our good insulted class ! 

Remember all, a duty calls you now ! 

Your duty is as great, your loyalty 

As dear, as though upon the field of war 

"Sou fought ! And now they come ! Fight for your rights 

And noble manhood ! Fight for peace and due 

Respect ! For sacred honor, class and mates ! 

Brace up, men ! Charge ! 

{Enter Sophs and fight.) 

{Enter Peter, driving McNab before him at front of stage.) 
Peter. — Aha ! You blower ! Now 

The German deifel's got you in his glutch ! 
Now see the minion beat the lord ! Now see 
The minny swallow up the whale ! Dere's one, 
Two, dree ! 'Tis I, I, Peter Wunderbank ! 
And Peter Wunderbank is me ! Get out ! 

{Drives McNab off,) 

{Enter Smith and Jones from opposite sides.) 
Smith. — Good ! Smith meet Jones ! 

Jones.— And Soph meet Fresh ! 

Smith. — You are 

A leader, so am I ! Let's bear a hand, 
Decide the battle here ! 

Jones.— All right ! How's that ? {Thrust.) 

Smith. — Very much adjacent ; but yet a miss ! 

{Enter two Sophs.) 
What so unoccupied ? Now play me fair. 
My cane ! {Is beaten back.) Fresh to the rescue ! Fresh- 
men to 
The rescue ! {Enter two Fresh.) 

Right in time, my boys ! Lay on ! 

- {Enter Prexy excited. Sophs flee.) 
Prext. — Hold ! Hold ! In heaven's name must men e'er ape 
The devil ? Very images of the 
Almighty God deface each other thus? 
For shame ! For shame ! The greatest sign of man's 
Depraved mind is found in recreation 
Such as this 1 And what have you for which 
To fight, and draw each other's blood ? What wrong 
B 



14 

Of rights deprived, of insults worth a name 
To make you mad like this ? You strike against 
A brother all for nought. You think it nought ? 
Why ! Why ! Tis past belief ! 

Smith.— No, Doctor, but 

A principle's concerned in this, and this 
To us is just as great as greater ones 
Must be to greater men. 

Prex.— We'll see ! We'll see ! 

There's one thing sure — the devil 's loose and we 
Must hold him in. Go to your rooms and wash 
And bathe your face with liniment, and meet 
Me in the morning ! {Exeunt.) 

Smith. — Peter, you did well ! 

And now, what is the list of accidents 
And casualties ? 

West. — The fol'wing is the true 

Official list of all the soldiers slain 
And wounded left upon the field, and of 
The prisoners and arms that we have ta'en. 
Of killed, there's none on either side, thank God ! 
Of wounded, near as we can say, eighteen 
On every side. Of prisoners not one. 
Of arms, we've taken seven well-preserved 
And seven broken canes. The enemy 
Have flown before the face of wrath, beyond 
The points of Freshmen canes. May heaven get 
Our thanks for such a bloodless victory ! 

Several. — Amen ! Amen ! 

Smith. — Amen it is ! You know 

What you have gained to-day. But more's on hand. 

Pray don't forget it ! Let us -give our yell 

And go to dinner, where we'll eat as we 

Have earned. Let's call our battle, Freshmen's fight. 

{tell) 
Remember what we have on hand to-night ! 

Curtain. 



Scene II. — Street. Enter 1st Tovrny. 

1st Towny. — To be or not to be, that is not the 

Question. To be? Aye ! That is it exact ! 
To be a towny unoppressed, or be 
A towny dead. These hill cattle are too 
Imperious ! Alas the pristine strength 
Of this our town ! Alas the fade-away 
Of manly strength and valor ! Aye, alas 
The coming in of poverty, intrigue, 



15 

Hypocrisy, and all deceit, and all 
Conceit ! I weep for thee, my usurped town ! 
I hate to walk thy noble streets, they seem 
As not my own ! Thy daughters turn away 
From us, and waste their youth and bloom upon 
A transient villainy ! I seem to see 

{Enter two Townies fighting, crowd following.) 

A fight ! {Rushing among them.) 

Let up ! Why waste your strength against 
Each other, when you have such noble game 
To fight against ? 

2d Towny. — I'm always ready to 

Defend myself 'gainst friend and foe alike, 

3d Towny. —And I rely upon my arms to make 
Defence or get revenge. 

1st Towny. — Then listen now ! 

We townies who would be quite popular, 
Must take a second place, Aye, and often 
A low third place within our town ! 

2d Towny. — I've felt 

It! 

1st Towny. — I have got a scheme. To let out our 

Feelings, let 's give the hill cattle a rub 
With stones, with eggs, with anything ! 

2d Towny. — I take ! 

Let us unite the strength of this whole town 
Against the college; fighting only for 
Our own ; repelling all attacks upon 
Our sacred honor, — even we have that, — 
And living, dying, — free, — for in the walks 
Of life that's low, a little freedom is 
A giant thing. {2d and Sd Townies make up.) 

1st Towny.— {Aside.) Combined ? 'Tis hardly worth 

Combining ! Yet a little excitement 

Is quite acceptable. 
Several. — A cop ! A cop ! 

{Exeunt all.) 



Scene III. — {Room on hill. Smith and two Seniors seated.) 

1st Sen. — Now, Smith, we wish to speak on grave affairs. 
You are the head of this revolt, and hence 
You are responsible for what occurs. 
The Profs, are all incensed the way you act, 
And with indulgence rare await your just 
Obedience. 



16 

2d Sen. — You Freshmen must not be 

Too independent. In the best of all 
Our colleges, the Freshman finds his place. • 
The Freshman doffs to Sophomore, and so 
The Sophomore to Junior doffs ; and the 
Senior is the most mighty head of all. 
Accept the facts ! Come, lead your fellows back! 

Smith. — A man's a man in college or without ; 
But often less a man within. I cringe 
To none who will not cringe to me. 
I'll honor any one who won't look down 
On me. Obey whene'er obedience 
Is due. I say spite hurt, spite loss of pale 
Affection, stand up for your rights, and truth, 
And honor. No one else will stand as well 
For you. 

1st Sen.— You see things wrong. The good regards 

Of men are not to be despised, but must 
Be coveted ; for we are all likewise 
Dependent on our friends, and chiefly on 
Our influential friends for help. A show 
Of fawning often reaps a good reward. 

Smith. — I seek from friends no more than I can claim 
By right. I beg of none but God. Perhaps, 
Too true, I'll be a beggar all my life ; 
But what of that ? A beggar with a gem 
He will not sell ! My chiefest moments of 
Delight, are when in need, I yet can feel 
Myself above mere changing flesh, and on 
Level with spirit which is free. We are 
Just what we are, and neither pow'r in Heav'n 
Nor earth, if we act natural, can change 
Us. S 

2d Sen. — These small acts deserve not such a warmth. 

This run, this bolt, this fight, is far too small 
A thing to fill your thoughts. 

Smith. — No act's too small, 

But what the greatest principle 's involved. 

2d Sen. — When college honors, college favors, such 
As you might easily enjoy, are sure 
To follow your return to work, I think 
We surely wish you well, as now we give 
You this advice. 

Smith. — For college honors I 

Care not, unless they come unsought ; then they 
Also are sweet. 



17 

1st Sen. — Just let me say a word. 

I tell you what, you'll rue this spirit, when 
You feel the need of friendly aid. You keep 
Yourself in check. And even when your friends 
Would help you up, you out of over self- 
Reliance would withdraw from grand success. 
You've got to fight forever for your life, 
Your reputation, and subsistence, which 
Must oft be w©n by wisdom and sound sense. 
You're your own enemy. Too reliant 
To be happy in this hard world. Enough ! 
Give up this petty riot, Smith ! Give 't up ! 

Smith. — Don't ask me, please ! I may seem very proud 
And independent now. I was not so 
Always ; for I was over-modest once. 
Remember, I am twenty- one, and thoughts 
Have seemed to ripen in my mind, and in 
My heart, feelings. I may be humbled soon, 
Please do not try it now ; for with your blunt 
Discussions, you might'st well attempt to calm 
A nettled colt with tickle, thump and thrust, 
Or sew a pretty seam with a crowbar ! (bah.) 

(Passes between them.) 
I've hurt your feelings ? Say, I used to hurt 
My own to that degree ; that, did I hurt 
A friend, I'd weep long after pardon, and 
Often chose outs where ins were at my hand, 
For sake of others. Then I lost, I now 
Must win. I can't afford longer to lose. 
I love the Profs, and truly love you all, 
And I am independent now, under 
The solemn protest of my heart, which bids 
Me seek pardon. 

(Enter Junior.) 

Juniok. — Good evening boys ! what thoughts 

So mighty trouble heads so great ? 

1st Sen.— We come 

As peacemakers to Smith. 

Juniok. — (To Smith.) They come to make 

lou eat your words, regret your acts, give. up 
Your liberty of thought, and tony down 
To overbearing men ! I tell you what, 
These little things, when we are put upon 
Our honor, try us just as greater things 
Try greater men. Give up indeed ! Why you 
Have more a name to-day, than e'er before. 
People now point at you and say, that that 
Young man will make something out of himself. 



18 

2d Sen, — If you be his adviser, we shall have 
But poor success indeed. 

Junior. — Some maxims hear I 

A moral fight and victory is worth 
A hundred hundred Latin roots. A good 
And noble purpose, well observed, is worth 
A thousand, in the light of future need. 
Much rather fizzle in your class, than do 
So in your feebled wills, your faithless hearts, 
And narrowed minds. He is not every time 
The better man who most doth study. So 
Is servile like obedience much worse 
Than stubborn disobedience. Take home 
The case ! Make it your own ! Then say is not 
Smith right ? 

2d Sen. — "You do not justify the bolt 

I hope. He made rebellion open. 

Junior. — Wrongs 

Did urge him on ! 

1st Sen. — Who has a right to say 

What's right and wrong ? Who is the President 
Of this concern ? Who are the officers 
But all interpreters of Law ? What they 
Say, that is always right, as far as we're 
Concerned. 

Junior. — Well I beg leave here to object. 

Right 's always right, and half the time 'tis lost 

To men, because of spirits such as yours. 

Do you intend to aim at, e'er control 

A state, or any lively office which 

The century may give ? Why you are but 

Ideal students taking calmly on 

Your Alma Mater's idiosyncracies, 

And saying to the world : oh world, nothing 

Art thou to me ! Here is my life in full ! 

Soon, soon enough, out in the world will you 

Exclaim: oh Alma Mater, nothing art 

Thou now to me, here is my life in full ! 

You'll feel no love because you got no good 

To help you in the world. When I graduate 

I want to say: my college course had taught 

Me strength of character, as well as gave 

Me knowledge. Then I'll prove my loyalty 

And love to Alma Mater. 

1st Sen. — I say chum ! 

These boys are either far beyond or far 
Behind us. Anyhow we've wandered in 



19 

Discussion far enough. We leave you Smith., 
With hopes that you will heed our good advice. 

{Exeunt Seniors.) 

Junior. — Common humanity seems set against 

Whoever acts most natural. Smith, shake ! 

And let us vow ourselves anew to truth, 

To honesty, and fearlessness ! {Shaking hands.) 

Smith. — I have 

A hundred reasons, ready, genuine, 
Why we should be allowed a run, a fight, 
And now a reinstatement. 

Junior. — Stick to them ! 

Good night ! 

Smith. — We'll meet again shortly ! Good night. 

{Exeunt Jun. Curtain.) 



Scene IV. — Street. {Enter Fresh, who sing a song.) 

Several. — On to the seminary ! {Exeunt alL) 

{Enter two toys from opposite sides.) 

1st Boy. — Who are those 

Fellows ? 

2d Boy. — Society members ! 

1st Boy. — Of what 

Society ? 

2d Boy.— Of the great «, /?, Y, 

A, e, £, r h 0, t, /., X, [l, v, 
£, o, it, p, <r, r, u, (p, ■/, </>, w, society ! 

1st Boy.— What is its motto ? 

2d Boy. — Why speak harm behind, 

A rival's back, and honey in his ear. 
Society supreme. All manliness 
Is arbitrary. Satan help the cute. 
The Lord preserve the feeble. Brotherhood 
With men at large, a lie. 

1st Boy. — Enough ! enough ! {Exeunt both.) 



20 

Scene V. — Sem. Parlor. 

{Singing heard outside. Enter Jones and Lucy.) 

Lucy. — I like those masculine pieces! 

Jones. — The instruments or the music? {Tries to kiss her.) 

Lucy. — Oh stop ! They are going away ! Those sweet songs do 
echo in my head, as in the hollow shell the soft sea 
murmurs loiter. 

Jones. — Good! " The soft sea murmurs loiter!" You seminary 
ladies are so poetical, yet so chimerical! 

Lucy. — Mr. Jones, I know you're tipsy! 

Jones. — No! Just drank a drop this evening for conscience sake. 
Jones is never tight, {aside) except for cash. 

Lucy.— Except for what ? 

Jones. — Hash! 

Lucy. — 'Tis a pity! You ought to board with us. Oh yes! 

Tell me now of the battle you fought, and how you 
received this poor black eye. 

Jones. — Well, three or four attacked me on all sides; and, though 
I foiled them all and laid them low, yet one young 
rascally Freshman made a lunge at me, and struck 
me in the eye, as I was. warding off three other fell 
strokes. 

JjUCY. — Brave soldier! Now your wound is beautiful, an honor 
to your face. 

Jones. — And as I'm brave enough to fight, I'm true enough to 
love. You are a nice girl, Lucy, and I love you. 
Will you be mine, mind, body, and soul ? 

Lucy. — Will you vow your love to me ? 

Jones. — {Attitude.) I swear by all that's high — 

{1st Ghost Rises.) 

1st Ghost. — No! No! Swear not! You swore to me the same ; 
When Senior Academe you vowed in name 
Of the most high your love for me, poor me! 

Jones. — Depart, you shade of recollection! 

1st Ghost. — Yes, tired you were of me, and left me sad. 

Beware of him, he's fooling, fooling thee! (Exit.) 



21 

Jones. — All right! Have you gone? O, Lucy, I was acting! You 
see my genius is versatile. Now hear me swear 
again ! 
I swear by all that's high 

(2d Ghost Rises.) 

2d Ghost — No! No! Swear not ! You swore to me the same, 
When Freshman you did vow a vow in name, 
Of the most high, your love for me, poor me ! 

Jones. — (Loudly.) Confound you ! Out ! Out ! 

Lucy.— (In terror.) Heaven save me! The deliriums are on bim. 
Mr. Jones 

2d Ghost. — When I was young ye took me in, so sad! 

Beware of him, he's fooling, fooling thee! (Exit.) 

Jones. — She's gone, too! Come on, ye host, with all your array 
of ghostly forms, and mournful voices! 
Fickle ye were, fickle ye are, fickle ye will ever be! 
Just see me play the actor! This is Shakspeare, Lucy, 
Shakspeare. Now, by the great horn spoons, I'll swear 
if all hell itself turns out! I — swear— by— all— 
that's 

Lucy — No! no! Swear not! 

Jones— Ha! what! still another? You? Well, Lucy, I'll swear 
another time. Come! (Exit) 

(Enter Kate and Smith.) 

Kate — Oh, George, you had a splendid fight and victory ; accept 
my compliments! 

Smith — Yes, Prexy j ust prevented final mastery. But better far 
than mastery gained was it ; because it would be 
rather too strange a time and place, as to-day and in 
this colltrge, for the Freshmen to play the despot. 

Kate — I'm glad then that it happened so. 

Smith — And why, I ask, Miss Kate, are you glad ? 

Kate — Because my sympathies are with the Freshmen. 

Smith— With the Freshmen ? Why ? 

Kate — Because such noble men are there. 

Smith— E. G. 

Kate— Charley West, Mr. Wordsworth, Mr. Scott, and 

Smith— Mr. G. W., George Washington, immortal ; S., Smith, 
mortal, Freshman, F. R. S. 

Kate — 0, yes! He's rather nice! 



22 

Smith — And you are nice, Miss Kate! Confess that you love me! 

Kate — Love you ? By what course of logic have you come to 

that degree of impertinence ? 
Smith — I leapt across a gulf of woe and said, — "Confess that you 

love me." I vow my love to you with all my heart. 

My first true love! A strong right arm and true 

heart's love I give to you. Now what do you give 

me ? 

Kate — My heart's pure love and small white hand. 

{Enter Junior and Maud.) 
Smith — I told you so, and here we are well met! 

Junior — Well won, I hope! 

Smith — {Aside.) I've won her, boy! 

Junior. —{Aside) So have I ! 

Kate— {Aside.) I've won him, Maud! 

Maud— {Aside.) So have I ! 

Junior — They say that love is blind. I say that love 

Is helpful. Is love blind? No! No! 'Tis not! 

Its eyes are full of light, its touch is full 

Of feeling. Cares it not for space, for miles, 

Finite or infinite, delay it not. 

It cares it not for time, for love lives on, 

And loved ones now, are loved ones evermore. 

With such a love, {to Maud,) I thee, I thee adore. 

Smith — I 've often wept and sighed in vain to find 
A comfort to my heart and troubled mind. 
But what of all of. this ? I'm loved! I love! 
I '11 patient be, I '11 slowly rise above, 
Above this waiting and this murmuring; 
Where I can rise on free and tireless wing ; 
And battles wage and triumphs win to me ; 
And lay them down at my love's feet, as she 
Will worthy prove of all I win or be. 
Love after all is joy, is hope, is life ; 
{To Kate.) And so we seek thee for our loving wife. 

{Meanwhile Jones and Lucy come back in time to hear the last 

words.) 

Jones— {Both coming forward.) And I have found a love and wife! 

Junior— {To Smith and Jones.) A truce! 

Jones. — Spite foolishness, depravity, my Luce 

Was won by a pair of black eyes. My joy 
Will be that when I am a blue-eyed boy 
Again, for I have pretty deep blue eyes, 
That she will see the love that in them lies. 
{Song with six voices. Bell. Curtain) 



23 

Scene VI. — (Street or hill. Enter Fresh., masked. Night. All 

in a low voice.) 

Smith. — Remember, use no names! Where men will sin 
And no authority denounce, there must 
The law be taken into hand. The Lynch 
Law must prevail, if law legitimate 
Cannot. 'Twill maim our spirits, kill our life, 
If such a sin remains unpunished here. 

Scott — We have no right to venture this, I fear. 

3d Fresh.—No right ! 

All.- ah ! 

M Fresh. — No right ? That monosyllable 's 

Misunderstood too oft. The feelings of 
The honest men who cherish honor bright, 
(Are we not honest men ?) Are always right. 

1st Fresh. — I hate a most mean man, and would, . . . 

Smith. — No hate 

Not such a man, but pity him. His fate 
Is hard and pitiable. It seems as though 
A duty urges on, come weal or woe. 
Come weal or woe, a duty urges on. 
Come weal or woe, our duty must be done. 

(Song. Exeunt.) 



Scene VII. Room on Hill. 
(Sound of snoring heard from bed-room off. Knock.) 
Crocker. — ( Within.) I wonder who is knocking at the door ? 
Phil. — (Within.) Don't know! Get up and see! 
Crocker. — (Appearing half -dressed.) Say, who are you ? 

3d Fr. — (Outside) Oh, do come open up, and do not keep 
Us waiting here ! 

Crocker. — (Getting revolver.) Hi, chum! Come out! 
Phil. — (Appearing.) Who is't ? 

Crocker. — I'm half afraid they mean to do us harm! 

(Thumping. Gr. and Phil, stand against the door, which is burst 
in. The revolver goes off.) 



M 

Smith. — Thou conscientious and unconscientious 
Man I A poverty of soul behind 
A magazine of powder, you would once 
Betray your mates, and after murder them ! 
Be comforted, that if you this offence 
Had done, it would have been in self-defence. 
Seize him and tie him tightly to a chair I' 
Now, Crocker, you are to be tried to-night 
For perjury and infidelity, 
The two sins of the nineteenth century ! 
You, usher, read the charge! 

West. — John Crocker, you 

Are under these three grand indictments : first, 

For perjury, in your base lie about 

Our ^just run ; second, for your desertion 

Of class in time of need in our grand fight ; 

And third, for infidelity, on each 

And every day reciting alone in 

The absence of your class. Now answer! Are 

You guilty or not guilty ? 

Crocker. — Who made all 

Of you my judges? I'll not answer! 

Smith. — Bring 

Here large supply of cold aquavita* 
From earth's deepest recess and mountain top! 

(Bd Fr. comes forward with pitcher.) 

dd Fr. — My lord, the cold aquavitae is here! 

Smith. — Pour twenty ounces down his back and wait 
The grave issue ! 

dd Fr.— The twenty ounces are 

Gone down, my lord L Lo, where's the grave issue ? 

Smith. — Inquire, usher! 

West.— Guilty or not guilty ? 

Crocker. — You are a beastly set of cads and fools! 

Smith. — Pour twenty ounces of your sweet and cold 

Aquavitae adown his back and wait. (Song.) 

dd Fr.— The twenty ounces are adown my lord! 

Smith. — Usher! 

West. — Guilty or not guilty ? 

Crocker. — You will 

All suffer well for this !. 



25 

Smith. — Tip back his head 

Thirty degrees. Pour five ounces adown 
His throat and wait! Now take example from 
The chicken, hoy, and when you drink give thanks! 

3d Fr. — The five ounces are gone adown my lord! 

Smith. — Usher! 

West. — Guilty or not guilty! {Crocker is silent.) 

Smith. — Now lay 

Him gently down upon his shiv'ring back ! 

(They lay Mm rudely down.) 

3d Fr. — He's tenderly laid down, my lord! Upon 
His shiv'ring back! 

Smith. — Uphoist his feet high in 

The air, and pour your cold aquavitse 
Into his pantaloons and wait! 

3d Fr.— The cold 

Aquavitse is gone, my lord, into 
His pantaloons. 

Smith. — Usher ! 

West. — Guilty or not 

Guilty ? (Crocker still silent.) 

Smith. — Now lift him up ! Detach him! Hold 

Him fast! Say, Crocker, we do not delight 

In this. It is the gravest act of all 

Our lives. A lesson must be taught. Each one 

Of you, most loyal ones, go mark the knave 

And traitor with a blow of scorn upon 

His face! (None move.) You noble few, I thank you for 

Your loyal disobedience. 

Croce;ek. — Forgive 

Me boys ! I'm guilty ! Or here now give me 

My sentence! Oh I've been a coward, fool, 

And dastard! Cast me out! I don't deserve 

The name of Freshman more. I see my mean 

Spirit and servile! Now I think with you! 

Forgive me boys! I'll be a better man! (Masks off .) 

Smith. — Forgive you? Aye, and love you now! We hear 
Such sweet refrains, the sweetest that e'er fell 
From lips of yours. Come, let him dress, aDd let 
Us warm him up with some brave oyster stews. 
A prodigal is he! Let's kill for him 
The fatted calf, and put a ring upon 

C 



26 

His hand, and let no wicked brother grieve ! 

I say break mean inclined men by the 

Most harshest means, and that alone will save 

Them from their wicked ways. Our gay programme is 

done, 
Our sad programme is soon begun. 

(Song. Curtain.) 



ACT III. 

Scene 1.— Classroom. (Prex., Prof., Freshmen, except Smith.) 

Prex. — I wish to say a word or two to you 

Young gentlemen. And say what I shall say 

As president. As long as I am here, 

I must perform my duties whether they 

Be disagreeable or otherwise. 

As this case stands, you are without excuse. 

Your Professor had kept the time as well 

As you, and it was your duty to do 

As he desired. This fight I do not now 

Condemn, for when the passions rise, the mind 

Is out. I will not now speak of the rush 

Upon your fellow classmates, since its end 

Was not disastrous. Let that go! And let 

The fight go, too! The run was only wrong. 

The bolt was only wrong. There's no excuse. 

And now shall you my only sentence know ? 

Give up and stay; keep on the bolt, and go! (Rises.) 

3d Fr. — Our time was right ! 

Prex. — Keep still ! Don't contradict 

Me! What I say I mean! Young gentlemen 
You are committing mental suicide. 
Unlawful acts will always bring their sad 
Ee wards. Why! why! You're past your boyhood days. 
The morning star of life 's already in 
Decline for you, and evening twilight greets 
Half way the dawn of active life, and yet 
You're reckless still ! Give up this freak ! And when 
Again you honor Professor and me, 
Another trinity 's in unity. (Exeunt.) 

Prof. — You place me in a very difficult 

Position. I have told my tale to all 
The Faculty; and, if you still maintain 
Your point, as probably you will, if you 
Insist on it, then I lose much respect 
In other eyes, and feel myself disgraced. 
I hope you think some better of it now. 



27 

3d Fr. — I do not like the words which we just heard. 
As though we had no right at all to think 
Or know what 's true! 

Prof. — He must authority- 

Uphold, and must maintain his privilege 
To say what must and what must not be done. 
I know, I know, that under all his brusque 
And sternness, dwells a tenderness and love 
For you. which you're unconscious of, and which 
He smothers, to maintain the dignity 
Position calls from him. 

West. — We were both right 

Perhaps, and times were wrong. Time never lies, 
But watches often lie. I think we are 
However unprepared to-day, and so 
Cannot recite. 

Prof. — I'll call upon the class 

For Monday's recitations merely. Let 
Me say to you. that only work, which you 
Seem loth to do, in after years will make 
You men. I will dismiss you now. 
I only wish to add, that I have done just as 
I did, because I felt that I would prize 
Your love and good appreciation years 
In future, than your present passing love. 

3d Fr.— Hurrah, for Prex. and Prof ! 

All. — Hurrah! Hurrah! 

(Curtain.) 



Scene II. — Hill. (Enter Fresh, and Smith from opposite sides. 
West. — Smith, why was it you did not come in class? 

Smith. — I'm always prone to talk too much at such 
A time; and when I speak it worries me 
For hours afterward. What did you do ? 

West. — If we do so accept we are let off 
On onlv Monday's recitations. 

Smith.— Well! 

We may as well accept. Though we may not 

Compel our officers to yield to us, — 

And who would wish them to give in to us, — 

We yet have taught them to respect us in 

The future. It will be a treaty, though 

Unwritten and unsaid; yet still 'twill be 

A treaty by tradition handed down. (Song.) 

Several.— On to the campus! Let us haste! " (Exit.) 



28 

Scene III. — Campus. Sophomores. {Enter Fresh.) 

Sophs.— Fresh! Fish! 

Fresh. — Canes! canes for sale! Cheap! 

Sophs. — Shut that mousetrap! ya — ! 

Jones. — A challenge ! 

All. — Ho! a challenge! 

Jones. — Fanshaw dares 

To wallop any Freshman you may name. 

Crocker. — My classmates beg I now a favor from 

Your hands. Choose me to be your champion. 
If loyalty and love can battles win, 
If courage counts amid the battle's din, 
Choose me your champion, and give me chance, 
To atone for past mistakes by sharp pennance. 

All. — Hurrah for Crocker! 

Smith. — He 's a noble fellow! 

(Fight, confusion.) 
(Enter Janitor.) 

Janitor. — The Townies have attacked a lot of boys 

Down town with eggs and stones; why don't you go 
And help them ? (Exeunt.) 

Smith. — Come, Soph. Jones, what is the use 

Of fighting here for nothing. Let us leave 
Our battle for a better one. Let us 
Unite our forces to resist the strength 
Of this whole town. Or better still, let 's join 
Our hands in peace and fight no more. 

Jones. — All right, 

I have no grave objection to't, Fresh. Smith. 

Smith. — Then we are friends! come shake! shake all around! 

( They shake.) 

Words. — Why, we are not so much an enemy 

As one would think. We 're never enemies 

Unless in wrath. These Townies must be beat; 

Let 's all unite to do this easy feat. 

No enemies are found in college walls 

When foreign danger to the conflict calls. 

We are no longer Soph's or Freshmen now; 

We '11 join together, make a common vow, 

To save our Alma Mater from all harm, 

With honest mind, and heart, and strong right arm. 



29 

JONES. — Then out upon these Townies come! Shout not 
For Fresh., shout not for Sophomore, but shout 
For Alma Mater and her glory; come! 

{Exeunt. Curtain.) 



Scene IV.— {Street. Enter Townies.) 

1st Towny. — No use afighting them! Too many and 
Too strong are they for little forces such 
As we to beat! 

2d Towny. — We cannot scare the hill, 

We cannot rule the town, we must 
Confine ourselves and our exertions to 
A single little district where we live. 

3d Towny. — I see we must confine our energy 
To fighting 'niongst ourselves. 

{To 2d Towny.) Come you and end 
That little matter yesterday disturbed 
By such vain expectations. Come! {Square off.) 

1st Towny. — Look out! 

Here comes the conq'ring host! 'Tis Gideon's band! 

Alas! Our combination is a sham! 

It's whole credit ain't worth a single d — ! 

(Exeunt.) 
{Enter Fresh, and Soph.) 

Jones. — Stop! This is far enough! The Townies have 
A lair and stronghold which we cannot storm, 
As well as we. The point is this, we do 
Not want the town, but woe betide the men 
Or boys, who dare usurp the hill! 

West. — I've got 

A good idea, we 've made it up with Prex. 
And Prof., and with these royal fellows here, 
And what could we to show our feelings more, 
Than were we to prepare a banquet; first 
To honor Prex. and Prof., to honor next 
Our noble classmate Crocker's close escape 
From sycophancy. Finally and last, 
To celebrate our noble union 'gainst 
All odds outside. 

Jones. — That is a splendid thought! 

Let 's see to it! {Exeunt all but S., 3d Fr.) 

Scott.— Will our guests come ? 



30 

3d Fr.— Of course 

They will ! Why, they are human, man, and each 

And every human man has got a sort 

Of stomach, and delights oft to surprise 

That organ with a decent meal. They'll come! 

My honest word for it, they'll surely come! 

(Exeunt.) 



Scene V. — Banquet hall. Table in center. Ends of tables seen. 
Prex., Profs., Fresh., with Junior at middle table. Junior at 
the head of the table. Jones, Smith, Crocker, West and Words- 
worth on ends of other tables. 

(Enter Maid.) 
Maid.— (To West,) Take oysters ? Stewed or fried! 

West. — Sh ! - (Pointing to Prof, who is about to ask a blessing.) 

(The Prof, sees the motion, laughs, and sits down.) 

3d Fr.— (Aside.) That 's an official 

Bolt upon the Lord! 

Prex.— We mean it well 

Enough, let that suffice! (They eat.) 

Junior. — Now, friends, we must 

Not quit this gay meeting, until we hear 
Some words of what we feel within us. Now 
Professor Goodenough will take the theme,— 
Relation of Professor to the Boys. 

Prof. GK — This subject, gentlemen, is. difficult 

For me to treat to-night, because I seem 

To have a false idea of it, by what 

Occurred the three days past. But I shall try. 

Now we Professors all are paid for work 

We do, and paid to do it full and well, 

And take a pride in doing all things well, 

Just as artificers in other spheres. 

We soon get use to humdrum life and work. 

Our class room soon becomes our world of pride, 

Our world of trials, and our world of care. 

Our world of hope; for there our work of life 

Is done; and we, as other men, desire 

To do some good. We feel we 're doing good; 

And this good feeling brightens hours of toil, 

Of tirdest brain, and lifts great loads of care. 

The student, on the other hand, comes here 

And pays his way, or has it paid for him : 



31 

But since he does not work for pay, they try 

To take advantage, many of them, of 

Their teacher, whenso'er they can. Now see 

How dear it costs a man who 's spent whole hours 

Into the night to get some new and good 

A thing to show next day in class, and all 

Is spoiled by boyish acts. A good week's plan! 

And yet, (why not?) we must provide and earn 

Our livelihood ; and this compels us to 

Receive with moderation, all the base 

And boyish impositions cast upon 

Us. And no reverence for us is held: 

But criticised, dispraised, or praised, we stand 

A prey to every chance of ridicule. 

Things seem to look this way to me ; and I 'm 

Resolved, that I shall act as justly as 

I may, and do as much as e 'er I can. 

Despite unkindness, loving every man. 

The teacher should be honest, true and fair. 

No favor, no revenge, harm, anywhere. 

The student should be honest, courteous, kind;. 

Ready to work with earnest heart and mind. 

Jun. — No honest man will fail to see great force, 
In what Professor said. But now I '11 call 
On West to take in briefer words the theme, — 
Relation of the Student to the Prof. 

West. — Professor Goodenough has shamed me to 
Humility. And yet I find a gem 
Of pardon for the student. We are from 
The world, we find our teachers gathered here, 
And like them, or dislike them, using our 
Own mind to think and heart to feel; and we 
Insist upon the proper man in the 
Right place, or we need not go under him. 
Perhaps we do not feel that reverence 
Which very few of them do seem to want. 
We feel a personal love for him who treats 
Us well. I mean the best of students do. 
A bolt doth neither mean hatred or wrath,— 
'Tis reverence set aside, not wholly lost; 
'Tis love pressed down by reckless love of fun. 
Dishonored ? Who dishonored ? We ? We then 
Did do it unintentionally so. 
The bolt is over now, what are the costs ? 
Nothing to us, but this devoured meal ; 
Nothing to you, Professor, save a slight 
Unrest. Nothing to you, dear President, 
Except another bolt 'twixt heart and heart, 
To keep them closer, safer, dearer yet. 
We would reject an overbearing bolt. 



32 

We would refuse the counsel of a dolt. 
Without a show of right we would not run ; 
Without a show of fight we'd not be won. 
Our battle's o'er, our glee and task is done. 
We now unto a higher work return. 
A taste of worldliness is quite enough. 
We're tired of play, and tired of sturdy cuff. 
One bolt will last us all our mortal day. 
Its lesson soon is learned — it does not pay. 
Receive us once again as students true, 
To tread the higher paths of love anew. 

JUNIOR. — We have a hero here. I call up Jones. 
" The fight and the happy result of it." 

JONES. — The fight did much for me. My eye received 
A patch and coat of paint. My heart received 
A curable insult. It did as much 
For many others of my class. But who 
Here now cares for the pain and blows bestowed 
By Freshman canes ? That fight has cured a breach. 
A lesson full of meaning doth it teach, — 
That men are men, and heaven help the man 
Who tries to rob one who doth feel he can 
Maintain his own just rights and liberty! 
The lesson of this fight to us shall be, 
To act as gentlemen and not as boys ; 
Contend with thoughts, ideas, and not with toys ; 
To feel respect for lower classmen more, 
Thus we'll receive more honor than before. 

Pees. — {Rising.) Submit to me, allow me but a word! 
To you I say that every man should have 
Three times the independence back of him 
As e'er he shows, — a priceless treasure that! 
Let us not mix philosophy to night 
With plain and open causes and effects. 
The students ran because the love of fun 
Surmounted their desire for higher work. 
But for a time you mind, but for a time! 
I welcome you once more to classroom duties, 
To warmer hearts, as well as classic beauties. 

(Song Alma Mater.) 

Words. — And now we're all content and merry, 
And now content our difference to bury, 
Content to sleep and wake, to-morrow, tarry, 
To hear, and what we hear, away we'll carry. 
Look up and down an enemy's not in vision! 
Look through and through there's not the least division ! 

(Curtain.) 
THE END. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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